Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
