I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
