I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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