I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
