very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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