dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
