new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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