READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
