I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize