Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
