it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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