Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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