I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
