tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Come on in and take your pants off
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