I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
