So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize