I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
