I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
