On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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