in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
