I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
