I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
