It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
