I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fuck appropriateness.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
