im holly from the hills drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
