Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize