do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
