why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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