I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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