dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
