God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think your dad took our porno
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
