Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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