Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
