Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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