How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
