I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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