Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
