i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
