i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
