I met the friendliest cop last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We left an ass print on the piano.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
