I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
