Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
