I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
