He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
