there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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