What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
