YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
