the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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