Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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