you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
