why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
