just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
