Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
