Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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