I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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