The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
