I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
