I cannot find my penis.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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