Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
