i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
operation harelip BJ is a go
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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