What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
