Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I AM VODKA MAN
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
