You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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